And since we've no place to go....

Well, that’s the RPHC Men’s 5s Christmas card for next year sorted…. The stunning campus of Royal Holloway provides the backdrop, a smattering of rather bedraggled urchin like students are struck down by five hurtling Snowballs whilst Robins harry, confuse and amaze them. The Archangel Vidler leaps skyward to a seemingly impossible height to a retrieve a ball at flight path level and Howard leans from a high Victorian window and utters in Dickensian fashion, “You boy, try that again and see what happens!!”.

A nostalgic trip for the Skipper, returning to his former place of education and for rather too long, his former employer, nostalgic too because the lads of the Royal Holloway Saturday side were every bit as pleasant, disorganised and brutally hungover as he recalled.

A tricky week for availability and the potential for re-arranged games came together in the end with a splendid 15. Mr Hockey himself, Milzy very kindly donned the keeper’s kit, Aaron C was let off responsibilities higher up the club for good behaviour, Ben B joined us too, back from Uni for the weekend and seeking vengeance for a midweek loss to the Holloway Wednesday side and debuting for the 5s, Erik rounded out our band of regular irregulars.

The usual 3-2-3-2 and a structured, well disciplined (and for once quite well warmed up) RPHC 5s team got underway with Richard launching a trademark aerial from the push back. The Lion’s share of position was with the Priory boys and a good, fast surface played into our hands – hockey cliches were well observed and we did everything we could to make the ball do the work. Monty and Pankaj were repeatedly finding the striking duo of Snowy and Aaron from their wide midfield positions with Mike, Richard and Ethan providing solid triangular service in the middle.

There just seemed to be an awful lot of green and purple Holloway shirts in their D. 10 minutes or so in and the Holloway keeper had made several fine saves this combined with the skills of their (sometimes illegally undercut) aerialing centre back and the Priory strikers were getting a little frustrated… nothing a converted short corner can’t fix and based on historical statistics there was at least a 10% chance.

Happily these stats showed a (brief) marked improvement, sharp injection from Richard to Ethan who made way for Snowy. A little dink to the left to dismiss the (frankly far too quick) number one runner and time to launch the ball into the netting. 0-1.

The Holloway boys were seriously quick and in spite of what didn’t seem like ideal pre-match preparation the night before, were relentless. It was clear the only real threat was going to come from fast counters, long balls and aerials to get in behind the Priory defence. It was with one such attack that Holloway got their only goal of the game, countering fast and making a good diagonal run they snuck into the D and slotted away a good, well worked goal.

The response was lightning fast and emphatic. The pushback from Snowy went to Richard who squared the ball off to Monty, Aaron was already making his run supported by Joel on the left. Monty fired an inch perfect ball, Aaron drilled it to Snowy waiting at the top of the D, one touch to control and the second to belt the ball into the bottom left. 1-2.

To their credit, this didn’t dishearten the Holloway lads and there followed more sustained counter attack pressure on the back three. Pippa’s pace was invaluable in providing cover and Paul with his Mr Tickle arms smothered the majority of the danger. Ben B rolling through the backline got in on the action too (despite claims he’s actually a striker…).

When shots were fired off, we got to see Milzy prove his keeping prowess, one excellent reflex save down low and another with his glove – a looping deflection that was going into the top right corner.

Another well worked goal saw nerves settled just before half time. The opposition D was a very, very crowded space and it was difficult to get shots off. Great, patient work from Aaron in firing multiple square balls across the p-spot combined with a spinning Ethan forced the ball into the danger zone again and again. Pankaj was once again demonstrating his ability to manipulate time by casually strolling around defenders and laying passes off and eventually the pressure paid off - it was that man Snow again, securing his long sought after hat trick (but he wasn’t quite done yet).

Counters in the second half saw more fine defensive work, Neil managing a superb pirouette in receiving an aerial ball and managed to untangle himself before continuing an excellent spell of distribution. Howard too, seeking revenge for being physically abused by one his counterparts and ending up in a heap, was making great jab tackles and laying the ball off to Paul, Richard and Mike.
Holloway continued to attempt the aerial route and aside from a few embarrassing moments (middle stump for Mike and LBW for Neil), Priory kept it under control. An absolutely ridiculous skyward leap toward the passing BA A380 from Paul V where in he collected the ball at full stretch was the highlight.

Richard was in “never give up, never surrender” mode and seemed to be playing a cup final game in extra time with level scores…. He was hurtling up and down the pitch, making reverse jab tackles, launching aerials and cross field passes. Pankaj was doing all of these things too but with a pleasing nonchalance.

Joel and Pippa were playing a game of who can beat the most Holloway players to a ball and demonstrating that they had both the stamina and pace to deal with these whipper-snappers.

Snowy was in full mischief making mode in the opposition D. Able to smash the ball from anywhere around him, feinting strikes, flicking, laying the ball off and blackening multiple Holloway toes. Aaron C provided many a splendid ball and debutant Erik became Snowy’s striking apprentice, darting in and out from the sideline and driving the ball on arcing runs along the Holloway baseline.

Mike seemed to be in impossible amount of space and received numerous 16s from Paul before firing cross field balls to Richard, Monty and Erik. Ethan, keen to get in on the scoring action was attempting reverse strikes, more spins and generally making a nuisance of himself but the fifth goal came in the form of another shortie. Another well worked exchange before Snowy popped the ball over the Holloway keeper as he logged in anticipation of another smash.

5 goals to Mr Snow who gracefully departed the field for the remainder, allowing Monty to roll back on…. He decided it was his turn. Following a baseline ball up to the top of the D from Erik, Monty controlled it on his reverse, cutting two defenders out of the action before running at a third. Deft hands, a dink around the centre back and cool as a cucumber he slotted the ball beyond the keeper for the 6th and final goal of the day.

A trip to a local hostelry, a jug from the hat-trick scorer and a beige buffet were precisely what was called for and duly delivered.

A clear-cut man of the match this week. Mr Andy Snow. It’s not just the five goals. It was five varied, superbly taken goals and constantly contributing to attacking play as a whole. Andy recycled and distributed to his striking partners and his midfield support too. An utterly splendid day at the office.

Champagne was a little closer, but not by much. Special mentions to Snowy (take your pick), Howard (you boy!) and Milzy (top corner save). In second place was the soaring Archangel Vidler and that astonishing pick ,but it’s Monty who takes the honours this week. The stick skills and pace to eliminate all three backs and the goalkeeper – marvellous stuff.

Fines noted for “Captain I’ll have this short corner strike and short corner injection, thank you”, Johnson; Stu Robins for booing the captain at these junctures; Snowy for second jug avoidance; Howard for being fighty; Richard for trying too hard; Ethan for Tomahawk failure; Pankaj for being too relaxed and for being Mr Statto; Neil for Ballet; PV for once(ish) a game pea-roller; Pip for rule book prep (but well done); Ben B for egregious striker claims and Joel for being too fast.